Hello sublist,
here come 3 lessons with attached moral.
I'm pretty sure that some of you (in particular Kiril)
will like that kind of moral.
Best wishes
Otto
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Lesson Number 1
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit
sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped
on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing,
you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number 2
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The
turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was
proudly perched at the top of the tree,
where he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to
the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number 3
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted
to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss
because I control the whole body's responses and
functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as
we carry the brain about and get him to where he
wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the
Boss because we do all the work and earn all the
money." And so it went on and on with the heart,
the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole
spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of
the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went
on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the
hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and
lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should
be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the
other parts did all the work while the Boss
just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be
a Boss - any asshole will do.
Hello sublist,
here is another story which was sent to me a few days ago.
Best regards
Otto
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A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new
sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks
down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up
to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers,
she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down!
I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night
until tomorrow when I can get some help?"
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't
want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing
behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties.
"Okay," she says. After they have gone to bed for the night the
woman begins to think about the two boys in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would
you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant,
so you have to wear these condoms."
She puts them on the boys, and the three
of them go at it all night long.
Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch,
rocking back and forth. Jed says, "Luke?"
Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"
Jed says, "You remember that blonde woman that came by here
about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."
Hello Sublist,
the following was found by me a few days ago in a news paper of a country
(it is a member of IFIP!) whose press is not particularly well known for
"doubtful"
contributions.
Maybe the censorship didn't work perfectly in this case.
Personally, I have to admit that I don't fully understand all of the 26 topics
but at least some of them (Nr. 12 or 17 for example) seem to be "oh la la".
Best wishes
Otto
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COMPARISON OF WOMEN O FOOTBALL GROUNDS
1. There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to
length and width, thus varying the quality of the play.
2. Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald.
3. Remember it is possible to score at both ends.
4. Tackling from behind is not always an offence - check with ground owner.
5. Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities.
6. Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of
premiership standards but in reality would not even be eligible
as a council dumping ground.
7. Don't ever make public your desires to play at Wembley, also never
mention pitches previously visited.
8. If the ground does not seem to have under-soil heating suggest calling
the game off, possibly even contact coroner.
9. Extra time is dependent on subsequent pitch bookings.
10. When building a team it is always nice to finish with Seaman at the back.
11. Wet pitches allow for long sliding tackles.
12. Always ask before leaving the pitch and entering the tunnel.
Conversely, do not expect to be allowed to come straight from the tunnel
to the goal mouth and score. That can leave a nasty taste in the mouth
of the pitch owner and may prevent further use of the ground.
13. Personal morals may be compromised by local derbies.
14. It is illegal to play on small, unturfed pitches.
15. From time to time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie.
16. Russian grounds are frequently more grassy.
17. French grounds are frequently very nice to look at, however there can
sometimes be an awful smell from the terraces which don't get hosed down
as often as they should.
18. Very few grounds are found with executive boxes.
19. Be wary of grounds with room for coaches.
20. Always be on the look out for football that host ladies football
two evenings a week.
21. Pitches with waterloggeed end can be out of bounds for up to 5 days
a month,
although this can be longer if you p... the owner off by continually
asking to play up the good end instead.
22. Players will have to agree personal terms with the club, before being
allowed to play on the turf.
23. Don't forget that if you see your hands in the area you may be penalised.
24. As the spot can be very indistinct on some pitches you may need to
ask the pitch owner to help you locate it. It is a good idea to re-
mark it
in white each time you play.
25. If there is a strong wind you need to be careful which end you choose.
26. Use your subs wisely so that you have a hard man for the climax of
the game.
Hello sublist,
Prof. Hu is our delegate from China. Maybe he will be the
new Chinese leader ;-) See the following conversation.
Best regards
Otto
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Conversation between George W. and his National Security Advisor!
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of
China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese
food in the Middle East?
Dear sublist,
here is some (maybe quite interesting) article concerning
the North American university system.
Best regards
Otto
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FORGET TEACHING, RESEARCH IS KING
Robert Fulford
National Post
A dangerous contradiction lies at the heart of the university system
in North America. The citizens who pay for the great universities
believe they exist mainly to teach the young and prepare them for the
rest of their lives. People directing universities have other goals.
They believe a university fulfills itself when it creates knowledge.
Research makes a university legitimate. Administrators adore the term
"research university." When you become a research university you
enter the big leagues, like the best American schools.
Many professors consider teaching at best a secondary activity, at
worst a nuisance. That's a big change. Two or three generations ago,
great teachers had great reputations, and their students were much
envied. Today we rarely hear of such a person. The age of the star
teacher has died. I have actually heard one tenured professor say of
another, with blithe condescension, "He's not done anything important
in years -- the only reason he retains any stature at all is that
he's apparently quite a terrific teacher."
University administrators will argue in public that they emphasize
both teaching and research, more or less equally; but I have not
heard anyone say this in private for at least 20 years. Certainly you
won't find support for it in No place to learn: Why universities
aren't working (University of British Columbia Press) a tough,
eloquent book by two political scientists at the University of
Alberta, Tom Pocklington and Allan Tupper.
How can we be sure that universities no longer take teaching
seriously? Pocklington and Tupper answer in one memorable sentence:
"To our knowledge, no Canadian university in recent memory has hired
a senior professor from another university because of his or her
demonstrated teaching skills." (Outraged deans and provosts wishing
to dispute this statement will please submit names and dates rather
than the usual empty rhetoric.) A national survey by Pocklington and
Tupper reveals that professors at all career levels believe hiring,
promotion, and salary almost always depend on published research,
almost never on teaching.
Pocklington and Tupper go so far as to question the principle that
research and teaching are interdependent and that good researchers
make good teachers. This is a sacred belief in academe, but no one
has ever demonstrated it; the only evidence for it is anecdotal, the
kind that professors reject when it's offered by students. Anyway,
say Pocklington and Tupper, if that idea is valid, why do
universities reward good researchers by lightening their "teaching
load?" They also argue that professors, driven to justify themselves,
often do research of no value to anyone.
The conflict between the public's belief in teaching and the academic
belief in research makes the central problem of the university
unique; there's no other great social institution afflicted by such a
radical division between public expectations and professional goals.
Can anything be done about it? No Place to Learn says universities
must re-establish undergraduate teaching as their first priority and
recognize it as "a complex and important activity that demands broad
reading, disciplined thought, and great effort."
The word "effort" clicks quietly into place in that sentence, but
behind it we can glimpse the outline of an embarrassing question: Are
established, tenured university professors, as a class, lazy?
Pocklington and Tupper say most professors work hard. Yet they note
that in the 1990s, when universities complained that reduced
government grants were eroding education, "not one of them responded
by increasing the teaching obligations of their permanent
instructors. In fact, many managed to reduce even further the
teaching activities of professors."
No Place to Learn has drawn a searching and thoughtful response from
Reg Whitaker in the September issue of the Literary Review of Canada.
A political science professor, much admired for his writing on
subjects ranging from the RCMP to the financing of the Liberal Party,
Whitaker mentions in passing that last year, at age 58, he retired
from York University -- apparently because he couldn't stand the
system any longer.
He endorses the conclusions of No Place to Learn and enlarges the
debate by discussing a subject that Pocklington and Tupper don't
emphasize, the poisoning of university life by rights-seeking groups
who insist (Whitaker writes) that academic life is naturally "sexist
and racist and can only by kept in check through intensive regulation
and control ... Everything that goes on must be monitored and
policed." Which, of course, is the opposite of how we expect
universities to operate.
Whitaker, while favouring equality of treatment, has learned by
bitter experience that codifying decency and fairness has created a
nightmare. Consider the intense anxiety that afflicts hiring
committees, whose members know that every tiny decision may come
under the hostile microscope of an "equity officer" or some other
licenced busybody. For Whitaker, one great benefit of retirement is
that he'll never again have to take part in this charade.
Pocklington and Tupper write with clarity and vigour, aiming at a
general public. They deserve wide readership, though it's doubtful
that a university press can find it for them. They hope to create a
debate about universities, which for too long have sailed "on seas of
unwarranted deference." But the system may be beyond fixing. Tenure,
entrenched labour unions, rampant careerism, uncomprehending
politicians, narrow-minded university governors: the obstacles to
reform are so intimidating that the possibilities of change appear to
be, at this stage, no better than marginal.
Hello sublist,
as a preparatrion for the next TC6 meeting in Beijing (whenever
it will happen):
LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (READ OUT LOUD)!
1. That's not right.........................Sum Ting Wong
2. Are you harboring a fugitive?............Hu Yu Hai Ding
3. See me ASAP..............................Kum Hia Nao
4. Stupid Man...............................Dum Gai
5. Small Horse..............................Tai Ni Po Ni
6. Did you go to the beach?.................Wai Yu So Tan
7. I bumped into a coffee table.............Ai Bang Mai Ni
8. I think you need a face lift.............Chin Tu Fat
9. It's very dark in here...................Wao So Dim
10. I thought you were on a diet.............Wai Yu Mun Ching
11. This is a tow away zone..................No Pah King
12. Our meeting is scheduled for next week...Wai Yu Kum Nao?
13. Staying out of sight.....................Lei Ying Lo
Best regards
Otto
I have special message from Jose:
At 06:32 PM 7/30/02 +0100, OBLOG-Administração wrote:
"Only the persons that will attend the Conference
and already payed the registration fee will be ellegible for the award.
Best wishes
Jose"
Hello sublist,
for those who like driving (and who want to learn about the
"correct(?)" rules of it) please see:
http://hellsgate.online.ee/~mait/fahrschule.swf
and have fun.
Best regards
Otto
