Dear sublist,
after a long time ... here is a new small story for you.
Will we meet in Budapest?
Best wishes
Otto
-----------------------------
The TC6 delegate went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the
doctor asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight,
and then he asked when was the last time the TC6 delegate had sex.
'Oh,' he mused, 'It was 1955.'
'Isn't that a long time to go without sex?' the doctor asked.
'I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13.'
Hello sublist,
the "carry-cat" seems to be a very necessary tool (according to the
number of replies received in a very short time). Some of you
asked for an English translation of the Czech text (I had believed
that the tool would be relatively self-explaining).
Here comes the translation (see below).
Best regards
Otto
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CarryCat
Whether you have a small kitten or an old tomcat, you'll enjoy the new
and convenient CarryCat - the quick and easy-to-use tool for carrying
your little sweetheart. Simply tighten the stabiliser and your beloved
pet is ready to join you wherever you go!
Length is adjustable to accomodate cats of all sizes!
By the way: The mentioned price (490 Czech crowns would be approx.
eaual to 16 EURO; that appears to be quite reasonable)
Dear sublist,
consumption of drugs may be dangerous (see below).
Best wishes
Otto
----------------------------------------------------------
2 young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared
in court before the judge. The Judge said, "You seem like a nice young
men and I'd like to give you 2nd chance rather than jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the
evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever.
I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said,to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them this
(The big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle),
is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge, "And you, how did you do?"
(To the 2nd boy)
"Well your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?"
"Well, I used a similar approach (Draw the circles), I said (pointing
to small circle) this is your ass-hole before prison..."
Hello Sublist,
it is recommended that IFIP TC6 sponsors or co-sponsors
the upcoming conference CHEERS 2003.
Call for papers: see attachment.
Best regards
Otto
Dear all,
the actual political situation is very sad. Nevertheless, the following
short story might be amusing.
Best regards
Otto
----------------------------------------
A US citizen is discussing with a European citizen about politics
(the reluctance of some Europeans countries to join the US
with respect to a war against Iraq etc.).
The US man: "Oh you crazy Europeans are just not grateful to us.
Remember that if we wouldn't have come to Europe at the end of WWII
then you would be nothing but a poor colony under the dictatorship
of Soviet union".
And the European replied: "And if we wouldn't have come to America then
you would still be ... Red Indians".
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a
preacher baptizing people in the river. He walks into the water and
bumps into the preacher. Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the
preacher asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" When the drunk
answers, "Yes, I am," he grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls
him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk
answers "No, I haven't found Jesus."
Shocked at the response, the preacher pushes him into the water again,
for a little longer this time. But when he asks again, "Have you found
Jesus, my brother?", the drunk still answers "No, I haven't found
Jesus." At his wits end, the preacher thrusts him into the water again,
but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds. When his arms and
legs begin to twitch, the preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love
of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his
breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell
in?"
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Dear sublist,
in TC6 we often discuss about protocols, management,..etc.
However, we seem to forget the real problem of communication systems
(see below).
Best regards
Otto
-------------------------------------------------------
John is struggling through a bus station with
two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when
a stranger walks up to him and asks:
"Have you got the time?"
John sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances
at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says.
"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!"
exclaims the stranger.
John brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad.
It's an invention of mine I've been working on.
Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone
display not just for every time zone in the
world, but for the 86 largest metropolises.
He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on
the watch a voice says "The time is eleven
'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few
more buttons and the same voice says something
in Japanese. John continues "I've put in
regional accents for each city". The display
is unbelievably high quality and
the voice is simply astounding.
The stranger is struck dumb with admiration.
"That's not all", says John. He pushes a few
more buttons and a tiny but very high-resolution
map of New York City appears on the display.
"The flashing dot shows our location by
satellite positioning," explains John.
"Zoom out", John says, and the display changes
to show all of eastern New York state.
"I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger.
"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still
working out the bugs", says the inventor.
"But look at this", and he proceeds to demonstrate
that the watch is also a very creditable little
FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar
device that can measure distances up to 125 meters,
a pager with thermal paper printout and, most
impressive of all, the capacity for voice
recordings of up to 300 standard-size books,
"though I only have 32 of my favorites
in there so far" says John.
"I've got to have this watch!", says the stranger.
"No, you don't understand; it's not ready..."
"I'll give you $1000 for it!"
"Oh, no, I've already spent more than..."
"I'll give you $5000 for it!"
"But it's just not..."
"I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the
stranger pulls out a checkbook.
John stops to think. He's only put about $8500
into materials and development, and with $15,000
he can make another one and have it ready for
merchandising in only six months. The stranger
frantically finishes writing the check and
waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready
to hand to you right here and now. $15,000.
Take it or leave it."
John abruptly makes his decision. "OK",
he says, and peels off the watch.
They make the exchange and the
stranger starts happily away.
"Hey, wait a minute", calls John after the
stranger, who turns around warily.
John points to the two suitcases he'd been
trying to wrestle through the bus station.
"Don't forget your batteries."
This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is
carrying three ducks. One in each hand
and one under his left arm. He places
them on the bar. He has a few drinks
and chats with the bartender.
The bartender is experienced and has
learned not to ask people about the
animals that they bring into the bar,
so he doesn't mention the ducks. They
chat for about 30 minutes before the
guy with the ducks has to go to the
restroom. The ducks are left on the
bar. The bartender is alone with the
ducks. There is an awkward silence. The
bartender decides to try to make some
conversation. "What's your name?"
he says to the first duck.
"Huey" said the first duck.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been
in and out of Puddles all day."
"Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender.
Then he says to the second duck: "Hi.
And what's your name?"
"Dewey" came the answer.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?"
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been
in and out of Puddles all day. If I
had the chance another day I would do
the same again."
So the bartender turns to the third
duck and says: "So, you must be Louie."
"No," growls the third duck, "my name
is PUDDLES. And don't ask about my
fücking day."
