Hello all,
please forgive me that I'll bother you with another joke (I apologize
particularly in the case of Arun and Lyman - but both of them should
really not be offended too much).
The reason for the new joke is that I receive so few comments on the
first three jokes that I come to the following conclusion.
a. Either TC6 doesn't want to communicate about nontechnical aspects
or
b. You delegates feel rather shocked. But probably you don't want to show
that and prefer to remain silent.
My consequence is that the TC6-joke-sublist will be formed - but only
containing those names who will ** actively ** express interest.
The only active responder til now was - not difficult to discover -
my very good friend Kiril Boyanov.
The "joke" is appended below.
Best regards
Otto
*************************************
Bill and Hillary Clinton die (I don't know for whatsoever reason butnever
mind). Surprisingly enough, they are both sent to heaven.
Strange in the case of Hillary (since she was an advocate and advocates in
the heaven are similarly numerous as white raven on earth) but even more
strange in the case of Bill; however, we have to admit that he has also
made some very very good things - and even the heaven becomes slowly but
gradually more and more liberal and less Monica-shy.
After a few days, Bill finds that life in heaven absolutely boring: the
food is awful, even much worse than MacDonalds, the discussions are purely
on religious topics, practically no women apart from Hillary (but this
makes things even worse since Hillary always controls him because she
is jalous even against the extremely few competitors in the heaven).
In a very desparate moment, Bill goes to Petrus and asks him what to do.
Petrus: "Should I show you a movie about life in hell and should I
thereafter give you a possibility to choose"?
Bill: "Please please do that. I suppose that life in hell cannot be worse
than here. Look for example that Hillary is already seeking once more
where I am".
Petrus shows him the movie of life in the hell. Absolutely great.
Phantastic food. Nightclubs. Monica, Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears,....
and many many more are there, and Hillary is completely absent.
Every night several orgies - and daytime is practically nonexisting.
Petrus: "Now, would you like to be sent to hell"?
Bill: "Oh yes, that is my strictest desire!!!"
Petrus: "But if you do that then this decision will be a point of no
return, and I will personally control that since I happen to be the
waiter at the door between heaven and hell, too. By the way, I don't
accept any guarantee for the correctness of my information; it was
only Best-Effort such as in today's Internet".
Bill as a man who has nevertheless made numerous positive experiences with
the Internet and who doesn't bother too much about the Best Effort
character of the Internet service: "Of course I accept that my decision to
go to hell will be a definitive one. Please send me to hell as quickly as
possible. Hillary is already very very near".
The operation is effected but ..................... surprisingly life
in the hell turns out even more boring (even more boring than TC6
discussions about steering committees for IFIP TC6 WG 6.1 flagship
conferences; you would never believe that this is possible!!!).
Morevover the food is even more austere than lunches at European Union
project meetings when they are held in The Netherlands).
And worst of all: There is not one Hillary but even five Hillaries
(and the four new Hillaries are exponentially more dangerous than their
original version).
Fully despaired Bill could just manage to drag himself to the border
between hell and heaven where he meets Pertus who (of course) forbids him
to reenter the heaven.
And Bill: "Petrus, how could you do that? Life in hell is even more
awful than in heaven. Which kind of a movie did you show me yesterday???"
Petrus: "Sorry, this movie was only a demo version".
Dear all,
here comes the third (and to my opinion absolutely best) joke which was
told to me by a member of the organisation committee in Gdansk.
Since the joke is even better fitting for our situation in Germany,
I took the freedom to adapt it a little to our German and in paerticular
to my personal environment.
Best regards
Otto
*****************************************************
A middle school in Germany, fifth year of education.
Day of "open door" (with the purpose of inviting parents and to convince
them to register their younger children into that school).
Demonstration of a normal lecture in mathematics.
The teacher is Renate Spaniol, my wife who is really a teacher of
mathematics in such a school and who teaches in classes five and six.
Renate Spaniol:
"Welcome, my dear parents to our school and to this lecture in mathematics.
I'll come directly to the point. As you know for sure, our school has not
got the very best reputation (by the way: that is indeed true for the school
where my wife is a teacher!). However, this rumour is far from being
true. We are admittedly not world class, but we are also not regional
class. We are quite ok - and I hope that after our lecture you will be
convinced that our pupils have already learned a lot.
Thus we'll start.
Willi, would you please come to me".
Willi comes forward.
Renate Spaniol: "My dear parents, this is Willi. He is a quite normal
schoolboy. Not our best one but by far not our worst one, just average.
Willi has not been prepared by me beforehand, please believe that.
Willi: I would like to put you a mathematical problem:
How much is 2 + 2? Please do not disappoint me since this will be
decisive whether we get new pupils next year or not".
Willi (with some hesitation): "Three?"
Renate Spaniol: "Oh my god, Willi. What did you do? This answer is wrong!".
And the whole class rhythmically shouting:
"GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE!
GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! ......
Renate Spaniol (after two minutes of full frustration):
"Ok, last chance! Willi: How much is 2 + 2?"
Willi (hesitating even more): "Five?".
Renate Spaniol: "Oh my dear Willi, this is maybe even wronger than the
first answer. We will have to dissolve our school next year. But before
we will probably have to send you back to another school which has some
lower prestige than our shcool".
And the whole class rhythmically shouting:
"GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE!
GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! ......
Renate Spaniol (after ten minutes of uninterruped shouting by the class)
totally demoralized:
"Oh yes, I'll give you a new chance but this will be the very very last one.
Willi: How much is 2 + 2?"
Willi (with full trembling body): "Four?"
And the whole class rhythmically shouting:
"GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE!
GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! GIVE HIM A NEW CHANCE! ......
Dear colleagues,
we had a *** wonderful *** event PWC'2000 (Personal Wireless Communica-
tions; WG 6.8) in Gdansk, Poland.
Absolutely marvelous! And such a perfect organisation!
Even the post conference full day tour to Malbork castle was fully free
of charge .... even for all accompanying persons!!!
The only point was that the conference would have desperately deserved more
attendees. There was some perfect time clash with a big event on the
very same topic in Dresden, Germany (which is practically next door
to Gdansk - at least from an Australian point of view).
The advertisement for the conference in different countries
- which is supposed to be a major task of TC6 national delegates -
could have perhaps be a little more intensive (this is a rather
cautious formulation).
Anyway, the number of TC6 delegates was acceptably high:
Jan Slavik, Villy Baek Iversen, Samir Tohme, and myself.
Tadao Saito was announced but could not come since he was locked in a
Shinkansen train due to flooding by means of a typhoon for twenty hours (!!)
and he missed his plane to Europe.
We had so much fun that I who remained a day longer than the other
TC6 delegates allow myself to tell you some new jokes.
Maybe you can inform me whether you like them or whether you are disgusted.
In the latter case I would create a sublist of delegates which contains
only those names who like similar jokes.
Best regards
Otto
p.s.: The jokes follow (and a third and even better one in a few minutes).
Have fun (hopefully!).
*****************************************************
DON'T CARE
This man from the Middle East wants to visit the US. Of course, he has
to fill out the immigration sheet. The immigration officer (without looking
at the man) says:
"The form is incomplete. I need information about your sex".
The man from the Middle East: "Oh yes, six times per day".
And the officer: "I didn't ask for this kind of information. What I wanted
to know, is: Male or female?".
And the man from the Middle East: "Oh, I absolutely don't care about that".
*****************************************************
POOR BURGLAR
A burglar breaks in a house during midnight. Full darkness! In the living
room he suddenly hears a voice saying: "JESUS will come to you. HE is
already near". The burglar (very nervous) is looking around but doesn't
see anything. And the same voice repeats: "JESUS will come to you. HE is
already VERY near". The burglar switches his electric torch and sees
a beautiful parrot sitting on a perch.
The burglar: "Did you utter that stupid phrase?"
The parrot: "Yes, sir".
The burglar: "Who are you?"
The parrot: "My name is MOSES, sir".
The burglar: "Which bloody idiot can name his parrot MOSES"??
The parrot: "The very same bloody idiot who named his pitbull JESUS".
