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Kein Betreff
by Otto Spaniol 20 Jan '05

20 Jan '05

Dear all, a little bit politically incorrect but for this reason it is only distributed to the TC6 sublist ;-) Best wishes Otto

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A long time without...
by Otto Spaniol 07 May '03

07 May '03

Dear sublist, after a long time ... here is a new small story for you. Will we meet in Budapest? Best wishes Otto ----------------------------- The TC6 delegate went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the TC6 delegate had sex. 'Oh,' he mused, 'It was 1955.' 'Isn't that a long time to go without sex?' the doctor asked. 'I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13.'

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English translation
by Otto Spaniol 21 Mar '03

21 Mar '03

Hello sublist, the "carry-cat" seems to be a very necessary tool (according to the number of replies received in a very short time). Some of you asked for an English translation of the Czech text (I had believed that the tool would be relatively self-explaining). Here comes the translation (see below). Best regards Otto ---------------------------------------------------------------- CarryCat Whether you have a small kitten or an old tomcat, you'll enjoy the new and convenient CarryCat - the quick and easy-to-use tool for carrying your little sweetheart. Simply tighten the stabiliser and your beloved pet is ready to join you wherever you go! Length is adjustable to accomodate cats of all sizes! By the way: The mentioned price (490 Czech crowns would be approx. eaual to 16 EURO; that appears to be quite reasonable)

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For the cats
by Otto Spaniol 21 Mar '03

21 Mar '03

Dear sublist, an interesting tool (see attachment) for those of you who have a cat. Best wishes Otto

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No drugs please
by Otto Spaniol 05 Mar '03

05 Mar '03

Dear sublist, consumption of drugs may be dangerous (see below). Best wishes Otto ---------------------------------------------------------- 2 young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The Judge said, "You seem like a nice young men and I'd like to give you 2nd chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said,to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them this (The big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle), is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge, "And you, how did you do?" (To the 2nd boy) "Well your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach (Draw the circles), I said (pointing to small circle) this is your ass-hole before prison..."

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CHEERS 2003
by Otto Spaniol 05 Mar '03

05 Mar '03

Hello Sublist, it is recommended that IFIP TC6 sponsors or co-sponsors the upcoming conference CHEERS 2003. Call for papers: see attachment. Best regards Otto

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Actual politics
by Otto Spaniol 20 Feb '03

20 Feb '03

Dear all, the actual political situation is very sad. Nevertheless, the following short story might be amusing. Best regards Otto ---------------------------------------- A US citizen is discussing with a European citizen about politics (the reluctance of some Europeans countries to join the US with respect to a war against Iraq etc.). The US man: "Oh you crazy Europeans are just not grateful to us. Remember that if we wouldn't have come to Europe at the end of WWII then you would be nothing but a poor colony under the dictatorship of Soviet union". And the European replied: "And if we wouldn't have come to America then you would still be ... Red Indians".

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good things come in threes!
by Radford, Peter 11 Feb '03

11 Feb '03

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" When the drunk answers, "Yes, I am," he grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk answers "No, I haven't found Jesus." Shocked at the response, the preacher pushes him into the water again, for a little longer this time. But when he asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?", the drunk still answers "No, I haven't found Jesus." At his wits end, the preacher thrusts him into the water again, but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds. When his arms and legs begin to twitch, the preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" This e-mail and any attachment is for authorised use by the intended recipient(s) only. It may contain proprietary material, confidential information and/or be subject to legal privilege. It should not be copied, disclosed to, retained or used by, any other party. If you are not an intended recipient then please promptly delete this e-mail and any attachment and all copies and inform the sender. Thank you.

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The real (!) problem of Communication Systems
by Otto Spaniol 11 Feb '03

11 Feb '03

Dear sublist, in TC6 we often discuss about protocols, management,..etc. However, we seem to forget the real problem of communication systems (see below). Best regards Otto ------------------------------------------------------- John is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks: "Have you got the time?" John sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says. "Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger. John brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. It's an invention of mine I've been working on. Check this out" - and he shows him a time zone display not just for every time zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolises. He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says something in Japanese. John continues "I've put in regional accents for each city". The display is unbelievably high quality and the voice is simply astounding. The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all", says John. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but very high-resolution map of New York City appears on the display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite positioning," explains John. "Zoom out", John says, and the display changes to show all of eastern New York state. "I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger. "Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the bugs", says the inventor. "But look at this", and he proceeds to demonstrate that the watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances up to 125 meters, a pager with thermal paper printout and, most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of up to 300 standard-size books, "though I only have 32 of my favorites in there so far" says John. "I've got to have this watch!", says the stranger. "No, you don't understand; it's not ready..." "I'll give you $1000 for it!" "Oh, no, I've already spent more than..." "I'll give you $5000 for it!" "But it's just not..." "I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out a checkbook. John stops to think. He's only put about $8500 into materials and development, and with $15,000 he can make another one and have it ready for merchandising in only six months. The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it." John abruptly makes his decision. "OK", he says, and peels off the watch. They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily away. "Hey, wait a minute", calls John after the stranger, who turns around warily. John points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to wrestle through the bus station. "Don't forget your batteries."

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Three ducks
by Otto Spaniol 11 Feb '03

11 Feb '03

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three ducks. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender. The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the animals that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention the ducks. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy with the ducks has to go to the restroom. The ducks are left on the bar. The bartender is alone with the ducks. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" he says to the first duck. "Huey" said the first duck. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of Puddles all day." "Oh. That's nice," says the Bartender. Then he says to the second duck: "Hi. And what's your name?" "Dewey" came the answer. "So how's your day been, Dewey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of Puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again." So the bartender turns to the third duck and says: "So, you must be Louie." "No," growls the third duck, "my name is PUDDLES. And don't ask about my fücking day."

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